Can you think of a moment when you had a small argument with someone? Perhaps, it was a friend, a colleague, or your partner. The disagreement was so insignificant and not deserving of attention, but you suddenly find yourself remembering old arguments that you’ve had with the same person. Everything that you didn’t like about them starts flooding your mind, every small mistake they once made. And like a boiling kettle your agitation escalates with an impressive speed. 

Or, imagine that it’s a beautiful morning and you are getting ready for work. You put on one of your best attires – a white shirt, smart skirt and delicate tights.  You put on light makeup which you think further emphasises your beauty and let your hair hang loose. You glance proudly at the mirror, happy with your look, then had out of the door.

As you sit on the bus on the way to office, you notice a small tear in your new tights – “Oh no! How did that happen?” – your scream in your mind.

Anyhow, there’s nothing you can do about it now. You can’t go back home and change, as you’ll be late for work. So, you decide to push away the frustration and focus on something else. And that seems to have worked. You get off the bus near your office and get a coffee from your favourite coffee shop, just like you do every single morning.

You are finally at your desk, you set your coffee on the table, and reach out to turn on the computer. This movement accidentally tips the coffee cup over and its contents spill all over your white shirt.  – “You’ve got to be kidding me!” – you exclaim loudly. From that moment onwards your day becomes a nightmare – you mess up the presentation you’ve spent so much time preparing for, then have an argument with your manager, and on the way back home you miss the bus and have to wait a while in the pouring rain for the next one to arrive.

And everything started with a small rip on your tights.

Have you ever wondered why does that happen? Why is not the rip just what it is – a rip on your tights? Why does it escalate so badly that you become a magnet for problems, mistakes and accidents for the whole entire day?

The thing is, we had never been taught how to deal with setbacks and challenges properly.  And how would we? The people around us – family, friends, teachers, are unaware of that too. So let me explain.

Every time, something negative happens to you, no matter how small and insignificant. And you choose to ignore it., you distract yourself from the negative emotion it has caused you by calling a friend, listening to a song, watching a movie or anything else that takes your attention off it. You think that you’ve successfully dealt with it. But what you’ve actually done is, you stored a bad memory and a bad feeling into your subconscious mind. Through the years, you store emotions, thoughts, memories etc. And tirelessly carry those around wherever you go, without an exception. The next time something negative happens, your mind says: “Wait a minute, something similar happened to you before, let me pull out that memory for you.” And on and on it goes.  Suddenly, you find yourself thinking of yourself as a victim. Why does everything bad happen to you?

But don’t fear! All is not lost!

Check out my article on How To Overcome Negativity In 3 Easy Steps? to find out how to come out of the victim mentality and to properly deal with negative situations.